Discussion Topic:

Oh that’s right, because I have something to unload…

Twice in recent weeks, I’ve crossed paths with two of my exes.  It’s those uncomfortable moments where there’s no good reason for either of you to be in the same place at the same time (like a mutual friend’s birthday party or something), and more like you both happen to be in the checkout line at the supermarket.

Both times I said nothing. 

The first time, we were literally moved past one another, opposite directions, but also seperated by 15 feet or so.  I don’t know if she saw me or even recognized me.  I was wearing my dark glasses and different clothes that what I wore when we were together.  I just looked ahead, and kept moving.  Really, it was an unwanted distraction to cross paths like that.  My friends think I should’ve said something, but there wasn’t a point.  No good was going to come of it.  It was messy at the end, we didn’t end on good terms and if she didn’t know that it was me, then why should I make a point of making my presence known?  Let sleeping dogs lie…  

In the second instance (different girl) she saw me and said “hi”, and I in return said hi back, but I left it at that.  It still hurts, I still feel it.  I keep repeating the mantra of why we’re not together.  Is it fair to say that I froze?  I don’t think so.  I could’ve said something, but I chose not to.  This wasn’t a planned encounter.  I hadn’t thought about what I’d say if I saw her, and yet I’m constantly thinking of what I would say if I was given the chance.  I’ve done so much damage by winging it in the moment that I felt that saying nothing was the best choice, but what if it wasn’t?  What if she was looking for an opening to start a conversation?  By not progressing past the point of saying hi, have I slammed the door shut in her face?  I wonder about these things.  I obsess over them.  If she stopped me and asked if we could talk, or if she sent me a text or if she picked up the phone and gave me a call, or if she said can you come over - I’d be there for her in a heartbeat, same as always.

I never expected perfection from her.  I accept her for all of her flaws, and I would sacrifice much to have that feeling I get when I’m around her.  She’s my drug and I really don’t need or want anything else.

I find myself at a strange point.  I’m coming out of a relationship and at the same time on the verge of getting into another.  Maybe I’m rushing things a bit, but sitting on the sidelines hasn’t exactly produced any new insights to my dating habits or contributed to my overall understanding of relationships. 

Ugh… time for bed.

It’s hard to keep a fire/flame/ember going when all you do is throw buckets of water.  Sooner or later it will go out.  My advice?  Love will truely never die.  If you really want it back,  you gotta handle it the right way.  Make your intentions known.  Be direct & be clear. Be prepared to wait.  Bring a towel.   Bring kindling.   Bring stuff to make s’mores.  But mostly, be prepared to wait…

Thanks Gents!

I really enjoy this track having listened to it all of twice so far.  I will admit that I wasn’t as enamoured with “Manners” like everyone else seemed to be at the time, so for me I appreciate the somewhat scaled back production (may I be honest?  I tried to like “Manners” really I did, but it sort of had a feeling of going too fast on the merry-go-round, combined with nails on a chalkboard while someone is driving too closely behind you with their highbeams on… maybe I’m being a bit harsh, “Manners” was enjoyable at times, but overall I felt it was a bit harsh and abrasive).  I hope the rest of Gossamer follows in this same vein as “Take a Walk” if so I look forward to hearing the rest of it…

On an aside, I realize this track got posted all of two weeks ago, but why do I feel like I’m the last person on Earth to know about it? Damn I hate that feeling…

Before you open your mouth, make sure you have something worth saying.